If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, "Abe, just how did you become the most successful sausage supplier in Chicago, if not the World?", then I'd have a small amount of extra dollars on top of the millions I've already got.
Well, I can't pretend it was easy. There were hard times, let me tell you.
But what I always say is this: "If you wanna make sausage, you gotta have balls".
Of course, since my operation, I have just one testicle, but I don't let that get me down. As I say to Mrs Abe Froman all the time, "since that operation I've been having a ball!"
She always laughs and tells me that she'd rather have one Frank with one bean, than two beans and no Frank.
Of course she was a virgin when we married, and I have no idea who this Frank guy is, but the important thing is that we can laugh about it. Humor is as important in a relationship as it is in business. And life.
Sure, the world is full of filthy, bitter, little people who'll tell you my success is down to connections with the Mob. Or that I just walked into the job when my old man, Abe Froman Senior passed on, so violently and so suddenly.
But, let me tell you, these people don't know a thing about the Sausage business.
I became the Sausage King through work, work and more work, pure and simple. And an effective marketing strategy. Since I've been CEO of Froman Inc., I've seen the company increase in value by almost 3% 2%. 0.4%. I think that speaks for itself.
As my old friend Francis Albert Sinatra once sang, "What is a man, What has he got, If not himself, Then he has Naught!". Those are words to live by my friends.
And I have lived by them. Steady as a rock, I keep to my course despite the slings and arrows people throw at me, steadfast in my beliefs and the knowledge that I am the greatest sausage supplier in this the greatest country on earth – The United States of America!
There may be some Anti-American haters out there who refuse to buy my products but I just laugh that off. After all, I have hundreds of thousands of men, women and children eating my sausage regularly, and there aren't many people who can say that.
My burden is a heavy one, but it is one I'm proud to bear. I am an American, and a Sausage-man through and through!
P.S. I get a lot of people spelling my name wrong: Abe Froeman instead of Abe Froman. There's an easy way to remember this – think Italian! Think of the leaning tower of PISA! Think PARMA ham! Think of the Roman Empire! It's f-ROMAN! | 
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